My father is a great public speaker.
He’s been in sales most of his life and has no problem standing and delivering in front of any sized audience.
I’d always admired him for being called to be the master of ceremonies at all of our traditional Ukrainian family weddings. Community halls…baba’s that cooked all of the food…3 courses and a lot of drinking and dancing…
Now that I’ve been asked to speak at more events, I think back to when I used to watch my dad…and I remember seeing a lot of books with quotes marked…notes all over the place. His delivery was always spectacular because he always researched his material, scripted it and recited it to perfection.
I’ll never be this good, but won’t stop me from trying.
Anyways…I’m going to share one of the most memorable jokes that my father told on one of his speeches…keep the context in mind…it was about delivery and showmanship…laughing when we were still allowed to.
The following joke had changed throughout the years and my fathers version was for $5ive bucks and instead of breakfast and the neck rub…his ended with “The soup was my idea”.
Sub in or out as you see fit.
Have a great evening, all…
Hope you get a chuckle…
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a very revealing negligee. She said nothing, but instead took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom. There she engaged him in the most passionate love-making he had ever experienced.
When he could hardly even speak, let alone think of more sex, she somehow managed to shower him, dress him, and take him downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. She poured him a cup of steaming coffee and noticed his strength returning as she rubbed his neck soothingly.
Just then, as she was pouring a second cup of Java feeling like life couldn't get any better, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
He blurted out, "This whole neighborhood has been incredible on mylast day, but this here ... well, this is just too wonderful for words!"
Then, puzzled, he added, "... but ... what's the dollar for?""Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and I said that we should do something special for you. I asked him what he thought I should give you." He grunted and said, "Aw fuck him; give him a dollar." Then she added, "Breakfast and the neck rub were MY idea."
Thank you Sheldon, we need a good laugh now and then. Tears over my cheeks!
LOL, that's hilarious