Marlene wants to know how strong am I?
Welp, I can cover this…
Prior to grade 12, I was on 13 prescription drugs to deal with my pain.
Following this, my pain led me to being dropped into the Foothills hospital, by ambulance, because I collapsed in pain during math class, in Grade 12.
I have taken up to 32 acetaminophen per day, drowned by a case of beer or bottle of vodka to stay out of the hospital, because of pain.
Because of this, I have shred through muscle pain that has landed me in the hospital for injury to the point that I would only relent on pain to the point of Morphine Injections.
For most of my life, I’ve dealt with pain that would make most others tap out on living.
For years, I adjusted my level of pain tolerance to OTC meds, chased by bottles of whiskey to tolerate the pain that I was in. It impacted my every day, my business and relationship with my family.
Blackouts were welcomed in my day because living this way allowed me to forget the pain I’d lived through previously, as well as escaping the asshole I’d come to be because of the only things that allowed me to function - Booze and meds.
I’d come to terms with pain.
I’ve not been hospitalized with pain in over a decade.
I’ve not self medicated with Alcohol to remain outside of hospital care and morphine, to be able to just try and live, life.
Does this description fit between “sympathy” and “syphilis”, Marlene?
My everyday is plagued with pain.
I’ve become adapted and adjusted to minimizing this through diet and exercise, but am not free from pain.
I still need to consider my every action and every movement to weigh on a scale of if my suffering that will follow, will be worth the enjoyment that I tried to gain.
Every.
Fucking.
Day!
I wouldn’t wish my pain on my worst enemy.
Even though, most days, I have adapted to be exceptional in spite of the pain.
And while I believed that I’d hit the worst, I am plagued by days like today…
I’d rather be dead…instead of suffering through this.
To answer your question..
How strong am I?
I fight daily to keep my strength for those around me…without them, I’d have gladly packed it in long ago.
Does this answer your question?
We are with you Sheldon . We are here with you.
Sheldon I'm glad you answered me the way you did. Had it not been for my husband, I would have given up 1 year into my ordeal of pain 24/7. Other family members had their own lives to cope with. My good friend would often remind me where shit was in the dictonary -and it helped me to stop feeling so damn sorry for myself. It also helped helped him through his ordeal of bowel cancer when faced with the alternative. Like I said in my other comment I basically was told that I would have to learn to live with excruciating pain and was worried about losing my foot to sepsis. I found a better provider and also an acupuncturist. Another year passed, lots of problems but finally the leg healed with the grafts. You need another healer - there are good people out there who will do everything in their ability to help, not like standard cultural medicine. Find an acupuncturist who has studied Chinese herbs and practices this medicine. He was a God send to me.