For years, I’ve been able to numb the pain.
It’s come at a great cost to my body and has its repercussions.
You don’t escape…you prolong.
Welp…for me, as of recent, it’s never been worse.
I am in sheer agony.
And for years, I’ve been able to focus this pain in what I do.
However, I’ve hit a new plateau.
And it’s really bad.
It’s been really bad for a long time…and if you’ve read through my postings, you may get a sense of it.
It’s been ire and rage.
May seem like delicacy…and maybe rightfully so.
I adjust to the pain daily and am not always successful.
As of late, I have no ability.
It’s just pain.
I am tired.
Really tired.
But rest doesn’t serve.
I do what I do because I am driven by this pain…into a sense of right and wrong…somewhat of morality
It’s hard…and I hope you get it. While I can always be here with you, a lot of days I cannot express it.
It’s not you.
It’s not even me…
It’s all about the pain.
I am doing what I can.
I’m here with you.
And while this may have never been an issue or conversation before…for me, right now it is.
I’ve never been in this much pain.
And I have no words to express it.
I’m here.
I’m not here..
Right now…it’s all about the pain.
My pain.
I will make no apologies.
Hey Bud, I can relate to this. I may have some of the answer. For me the last three years have been a tremendous effort to understand what has been happening to us. And I have seen and learned a lot. But that coupled with other stuff from before has left me in a place of emotional overwhelm.
One of the things that God has been showing me lately is that try as we might, it is kind of in Gods hands now. He has me stepping away a bit for rest, but also to draw closer to Him. And it is helping.
There are limits that we as creatures have in how much we can carry. We need Gods help. Jesus said that w/o his help we can't do everything we might want to do. Not just because of strength limits, but also that we need His perspective and sometimes that is letting Him be Him while we wait.
It is a sad thing to see what is happening out there in so many ways. But Jesus loves us and wants to help, and that help often comes as we step away more often and put it in His hand. And the thing is ... it really is that way. :)
I will pray for you... you aren’t alone